Somedays I miss the freedom and lack of any type of schedule during the pandemic.

I know, staying home and rarely venturing out didn’t feel like freedom to some, but it did for me.

The freedom to sleep in (we’re talking 7 am at the latest), to exercise everyday, to walk my dog everyday, to have time with my kids not spent in a car traveling to/from various sports activities, the time to try new recipes and cook meals, the time to read books and sit out on my porch and just be in the moment…I miss that freedom.

My students asked me today why I didn’t become a veterinarian (They asked what I wanted to be when I was a kid). I told them I worked at a vet hospital in high school and realized spending my days in surgery wasn’t my cup of tea; I just wanted to play with the cats and dogs. Working at the vet was a ton of fun and I loved that job. Nobody sassing at me, well, at least not most days. I did have encounters with a few nippers (cocker spaniels, Rottweilers, and numerous cats) but nobody yelled at me or talked back to me or argued with me.

Teaching has changed. Students argue now. They lie and say they’re not lying. “Please put that away.”

“What? I don’t have anything!”

“Yes, you do. I see it.”

“See what?”

I don’t have time for that kind of shit in my life anymore. And I certainly don’t have the patience. But I get up everyday and find the patience.

Sometimes it’s in a question a students asks me about the material we’re studying; or when they ask me a personal question about what I wanted to be or how I did in school.

Or when they ask if their behavior was better today.

“Am I doing good, Mrs. C?”

And I can see in their eyes that they care and so desperately want some approval.

Sigh.

Teaching is hard.

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I can hear the wind starting to blow hard outside my window. Tomorrow morning is supposed to be a hot mess of a commute with rain or snow or sleet or ice.

All teachers are sleeping with fingers crossed for a 2-hour delay. What a gift that would be on a Thursday.

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And….there was no 2-hour delay. Some flurries, some cold air, lots of winds. Bunk, that’s what occurred. Zilch. Nada. Zero. None.

So sad.

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I swear to god this is how my brain works now, jumping from one idea to another with no connecting thoughts or trails or ideas. Social media scrolling is ruining my brain and yet I cannot stop.

It’s either that or menopause.

Those damn funny dog videos suck me in for hours.

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So my check engine light went off two days ago. Hubbs is out of town for work. I love my car, a Chrysler Pacifica Minivan Hybrid. I mean I LOVE this car. So comfy. So warm in winter. So much room for kids and softball bags and friends and dogs.

Did I mention how comfortable this car is?

Check engine light. Yeah. So in a FREAKIN’ WEEK, Chrysler, for a $169 diagnostic fee, will check it and tell me I owe them a gazillion dollars because of a damn alternator. Or it could be that I left my gas cap angled on the tank.

WTF. That’s what the google search told me. That my gas cap isn’t on right.

THE CAR DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A GAS CAP.

Not smart, google. Not. smart.

See? See how stressed teaching makes me? And how mushy scrolling through social media has made my brain?

Sigh.

TGIF people.

T.

G.

I.

F.